The cooler temps have found us way down here in Tx… Now thats not saying its REALLY cold because to me its not. To other Texans maybe. We’ve been in the high 60s and mid 70s for highs and lows getting down to the high 40s. I can’t wait till the temps stick around the 50s more. Mid to high 50s are great for me. I feel so much better with these temps, but we’ll hit the 80s again before long. A time or two atleast. We are supposed to hit 80 tomorrow but this weekend.. Oh I look forward to this weekend!! **happy dance** Seriously don’t watch you don’t want to see me dance.. Anyhow.. Mid 60s and lows in the high 40s and low 50s.. It’s what I look forward to. I’d be happy with temps in the 50s and 60s year round. I love it! Thrive off of it.
All of my friends complain about winter. Some of them I understand. I mean they live where the snow is up to their knees all the time. They look forward to the spring and summer but then again… their summers do not compare to ours..
I HATE the summer. There is absolutely nothing I like about May-September. I hate the heat, the humidity, and the sun gives me wicked bad headaches. Where as most people dislike winter because of the gloomy overcast skies and the never ending cold. I love it. I go outside way more during the winter than I do any other time of year. Fall is my favorite time of year but we don’t really tend to have much fall like weather. Our fall is typically the very end of November and into December. Yet even then sometimes the kids are wearing shorts and tshirts during December. We have the most bizarre weather here..
Now yes I do complain about the really cold weather. Like say at the end of January after we’ve dipped down into the 20s a few times, but that doesnt happen often. I’d be content to stay in the 50s forever.. I just like it there..
Anyhow.. I can’t have a post completely about the weather. That’s just……. boring..
I disappeared again.. Real life got in the way of my internet time. Well mostly.. Hub’s brother and his wife separated again. AGAIN. This must be like the 50th time in the last 5 years. Well hub’s brother moved in next door with the dreaded inlaws from hell and is ALWAYS over here. Not only is he always over here but his kidlets are too. Don’t get me wrong. I am so happy that he is getting his boys and being a big part of their lives. They need him. He’s a pretty good dad. He loves them and lights up around them. BUT…. They are ALWAYS at my house. They are here EVERY weekend and several times during the week. I end up feeding them dinner all the time. It’s loud enough in my house with my 4 kidlets but throw in the extra 2 and its like a freaking zoo around here. Because its getting darker earlier they all end up in the house and its a lil much, so i’ve been hiding out in my bedroom alot. I can’t take the non stop noise and hubs isn’t affected by it. Things are going to come to a head here really soon b/c i’m going to end up blowing my top. There is only so much I can take before I just lose it and well…. its coming.
Other than that i’ve been working non stop with Cole on his school work and trying to get Taylor caught up who hasn’t been turning in assignments. Cole passed a spelling test for the first time 2 weeks ago. He made a 70 something and that was the very first spelling test he has EVER passed. I’m talking going all the way back to kindergarten.. BUT.. then.. Friday… He came home with a 100!!!! He was thrilled and I was thrilled.. A friend of mine told me about this website called Spellingcity.com . I think its helped alot. You put their spelling words into it and it tests them, teaches them, and lets them play games with the words. It’s made a difference.
And then.. well.. there’s my .. writing… It’s nothing huge but i’ve been rather consumed/obsessed with it. I know you can’t help but wonder what i’m writing. I’m not some great writer and from my postings on my blog i’m not all that interesting.. But.. I do have a wicked funky thing for fan fiction and I tend to dabble in it.. Lately I’ve been stuck in one of my obsessive ruts and writing alot. I enjoy writing and it gets some of the crazy out of my head..
So that’s whats been going on. Not a heck of alot really. It’s been kinda chill around here which is rather nice!
**Gary.. thanks for checking on me**
*Clears throat & sings*
Where have you been?
I’ve looked for you for ever and a day
Where have you been?
I’m just not myself when you’re away
*looks around* Did you run away yet?
Okay now that I’ve gotten that out of the way. I just HAD to get that out of my head. It was on loop. I just kept hearing it over and over again. It was starting to push me slightly into madness.
Now onto more important matters..
1st.. Hubs got a job. It took longer to get started b/c the boss man was out of the office all last week but Monday he went and did his pre-hire paperwork and watched what he described as gruesome videos about what could happen in the work field. Then Tuesday he went and took his welding test which was a no brainer that he’d pass.His first official day of work was yesterday. WOOT!
Now.. Let me tell you quickly about yesterday..
Hubs had to get up at 4:30 which meant I was up at 4am.. I hadn’t of course been to bed yet b/c he kept waking me up moving around. So by 4am I was rather bitchy but thats besides the point. He had to leave the house at 5 am. He got up at 4:50. I was ready to strangle him by this point but that too is beside the point. He leaves.. Lunch kit and coffee in hand… I always tend to worry about him driving with coffee.. he’s not the worlds best or most alert driver. He tends to just not really care all that much. So I tend to worry. And he can be clumsy as well. Hot coffee, driving, and clumsy do not mix well. I knew I wouldn’t hear from him till later in the day because they no longer allow cell phones in plants here. So.. when the phone rang less than 20 minutes after he left I knew the news was NOT good.. And.. my instincts are rarely wrong. His first words prove my point: “I just f*ck’d the car up”.. My first reaction should have been OMG are you okay? but no it wasnt.. b/c i’m kinda used to this. That lil fact is a big huge thing b/c it just means he’s.. well wrecked EVERY vehicle we’ve ever had.. yes this is true.. EVERY vehicle we’ve had he has wrecked.. So.. it is no surprise to me. Actually its the phone call I have come to wait for. I know its just a matter of time before it happens again. Out of all his wrecks (and there have been many) 3 were his fault. The rest.. belong to suicidal animals and weather related incidents.. Anyhow got off track there didnt I? Seems a suicidal deer found him yesterday morning and decided that he couldn’t wait for another car. No he needed to run out infront of mine. Luckily what damage was done our mechanic was able to fix it quickly and have our car back to us last night. Which is just wonderful b/c its our only vehicle.. Now.. moving on..
Yes he needs a haircut!
My conference with Cole’s teachers was.. interesting to say the least. First I was surprised at the lack of.. hmm.. how do I say this.. The lack of.. well they were not ready! They did not seem prepared and I’d have thought they would be. But.. it may just be that they were not completely sure where to go with it or what to expect because i’m the one who requested the conference with ALL of them and not just the one who had requested it with me. He’s not doing so hot. This much I knew up front. I went prepared though. His teachers are all nice. Strict but nice. Which I feel is what he needs. He is struggling to stay on task. He has some learning issues that cause him some problems. For instance his lil brain.. does not work the way other kids do.. He learns differently which is a huge issue when it comes to school b/c you have one teacher teaching a room of 20-25. 3rd graders at that. Cole is VERY VERY smart.. Sometimes too smart but his mind is very very technical and he has to be fed lots of things to do in order to keep him on task. He desperately needs something hands on and busy or he just daydreams.
He struggles big time to stay on task and pay attention. You can give him directions 20 times and he’s still not going to remember what he was supposed to do by the time he’s 1/4 of the way through it.
One thing that shocked me was that he’s not “making noises” in class. Not enough that its a distraction. He does this at home. Constant CONSTANT animal noises. It drives me insane and not just me. Everyone around us. It’s rather annoying and its almost like he can’t control it like he HAS to do it. I mean when he’s trying not to do it. You can see the tension on his face. It’s like he’s really fighting to keep himself from doing it. He does tap in class alot and make non stop movements which is another thing that at home just drives me nuts b/c its NEVER still and quiet with him around. And thats something I crave.. Badly.. QUIET!! He’s never passed a spelling test. Even though he knows the words when he leaves the house and can spell them off the top of his head. When he sits down for the test. He fails. ALWAYS.. Every since kindergarten. He has failed every spelling test he has taken. It’s the only thing he has ever done poorly in until now. We are working non stop on this and also using a website I found that allows him to play games with his spelling words. I hope it helps because like the teacher pointed out. It doesnt make a difference if its hard words or easy. He misses the easy on a test just as much as the hard words.
Again.. moving on..
Wyatt’s ear is infected again. This is going on 3 months now. The bleeding comes and goes. It’s not badly infected its just enough that its not ever completely healing and we’ve done several rounds of antibiotics and ear drops. Its infected right around the tube. They don’t want to remove the tube though. He goes back to the ENT on the 22nd. However I’m going to end up having to take him back to the ped next week b/c he’s getting a cold which is just going to make his ear worse..
Next…
Jewel has hit.. Tantrum land again. I don’t know what it is with these girls that surround me but could they be anymore dramatic? Over EVERYTHING? I mean a pencil not being sharpened to perfection can bring tears to their eyes..
Tears..see
This was before school one morning. Something about her hair not being how she wanted it but she wouldnt get her bum out of bed in time for me to fix it how she wanted it so she got stuck with what she got stuck with. Well this was the end of the world. And me
grabbing my camera did not help.. so I got this..
Then.. When I told her I was going to send it to her Aunt Jen to show her how dramatic she was.. Then and only then did I get this..
I'm smiling but i dont like it!
Anyhow.. Girls are wayyyyyyyyyyy too dramatic.. The boys.. are so much easier.. atleast in my opinion. However the girls are less destructive.
And I leave you with a rare pic of Taylor. Though i’m not sure what the heck is in her mouth!
A few things.. Not much..
First.. I’ve been angry lately. Like REALLY REALLY angry. I know some think its such a wasted emotion but its one thats so much easier for me to deal/cope with than others are/tend to be.. These last 2 days have just really plowed the crap out of me and I’ve probably (no I have) been taking it out on the wrong people but I just really feel the overwhelming urge to burn something to the ground.. Hey its the anger talking.. That’s not saying i’d actually burn something to the ground.. Well nothing that would hurt/harm someone else or get me into real trouble anyway..
See.. Hubs got laid off again on Wed afternoon. Yeah.. His boss. Or should I say his ex boss.. I want to cause physical harm to. It’s funny how things work. Three weeks ago when he got the call to come back to work, I was ecstatic. Things seemed to be looking up finally. A small part of my brain was scared that this would be temporary and his boss would screw him over.. He made it clear to the guy that he couldn’t come back to work for two weeks and then get laid off.. It would screw up everything. Now I know to some that sounds silly. But, getting laid off is not fun. It takes alot of crap to get back on track and there is a 3 week period where you have no income coming in what so ever before you get that first unemployment check and working 2 weeks and then having your unemployment screwed up to where you have to file a new claim and wait another 3 weeks for income is HARSH. It’s not easy. It puts your bills further behind and its kinda hard to buy diapers when you have no income coming in. See.. Our savings. We have none. Having to buy the new house after Ike destroyed ours took every penny we had. It took every bit of our savings and then some. We didnt even have a month 
between the down payment on our house was complete and the lay off happened so we were unable to save a freaking penny.. So hubs made it clear he couldn’t come work a few weeks to be laid off again. Three weeks with out a check coming in there was no way in hell we could take another hit like that. But the boss man assured him he had plenty of work to last awhile and they were getting new work in all the time. Hubs agreed and went back to work. Both of us having that annoying lil voice in the back of our head telling us something was wrong. There was a warning there and we both heard it but didnt listen b/c he’d been with the company for so
long and they were pretty good to us in the past. They worked hubs to the bone for 3 weeks. He came home exhausted every day barely able to move. He worked many days through lunch and didnt have the time to even call home on his lunch break. He would come home after work and pass out. They worked his ass off only to keep him 3 weeks. Get their big job out of the way and then lay him off again. Talk about angry! I’m still seeing red.. My violent streak is barely being held at bay..barely… Not only did they mess up our unemployment b/c we had to file a new claim and yep. you guessed it.. 3 week waiting period.. BUT he had turned down another job to go back to work there! He missed an opportunity that could have lasted longer than this did. Now that opportunity is gone because they filled the position already. See.. violent streak barely being contained.. Still seeing so much red my vision is clouded by a purplish red haze… See other than the no check for 3 weeks thing, the missed opportunity thing, there is still one more thing that has me so pissed off.. They laid off hubs and kept the boss man’s son.. Shock? No.. not really.. Pissed? EXTREMELY… Hubs had been there WAY longer than the boss’s son.. Hub’s is way more experienced than the boss’s son, he’s way better than the boss’s son, he’s always fixing the bosses son’s mistakes, the boss’s son shows up when he wants to and if he wants to. The boss’s son is a punk and not one person there likes him other than .. well the boss.. But.. the boss doesn’t even really like him. He keeps him b/c his wife makes him. See its not exactly HIS son per-say.. It’s his step son. The kid is a spoiled rotten punk who’s mom makes sure he lives a cushiony life
and never has to get out into the real world outside of what she can control.. Now why i’m on my tantrum i’m just gonna get it all out.. And because this is fact and not rumor I don’t feel bad about doing it either.. *shrugs*.. Boss’s step son.. *laughs* is also the boss’s nephew.. *gasp* WHAT? YEAH! *rolls eyes* Only in Texas right? Or maybe Alabama? (No offense seriously).. But anyhow.. Like I was saying.. Boss’s step son.. is also his nephew.. See.. son/nephew’s mom.. Used to be married to the boss’s brother. Something happened and now she’s married to the boss man and the boss man and his brother no longer speak.. *gasp* you don’t say? Oh.. I do.. I speak the truth.. It’s actually common knowledge.. Not just “table gossip”. Now i’m not one to attack other people’s looks.. That’s not normally my style.. And I may be lashing out in anger here and it may be misplaced (well really it wouldn’t be SOOOO misplaced if she raised her son to be a real man and didnt coddle him and if her husband had some balls..anger remember?) But really.. She’s sportin one MASSIVE mullet. We’re talking
I just find this shirt REALLY REALLY funny.. b/c if you can't find the humor in it.. then whats the point. The back says OFF
like way worse than Billy Ray could even imagine. Worse than Joe Dirt even.. I’m not so much attacking her. I’m stating the facts. It’s kinda wierd though because. IF she didnt have that mullet, she’d be a really attractive woman. Anyhow back to the issue at hand.. The company.. was good to us while we were there the first time. But another thing that has me so pissed off.. I wanna know what this boss man has over the higher ups. It’s a family owned/operated company. Two brothers started it and grew it from there. BUT this one boss man. He’s pretty much useless. He goes fishing on the company dime. He’s never around when he should be. Last time something major happened at the shop and it required his attention (someone was injured) the boss man was no where to be found. I bet you wanna know where he was at.. *winks* I just happen 2 know where he was.. He was out buying that brand new bass boat he took fishing in the McDonald’s tournament that weekend. Yep the company paid him to go buy that boat. That’s not the first time he’s done something like that. No he spends more time OUT of the office than he does IN the office.. There have been many times in the past that he should have been fired. MANY complaints against him. Yet.. he’s still making the big bucks and still fishing on company time. So.. I wanna know WHAT he has on them. It’s gotta be good.. Damn good even b/c i’ve seen people better than him get fired for less than he’s done.. He’s not liked. Not even by the hire ups they don’t have really a nice thing to say about him.. YET?????? Yeah.. it’s gotta be good..
Now that i’ve got that out of the way..
Cole’s teacher wants to have a conference. Well one of them. I hope its only one of them. He’s not doing so well in school this year. This child has NEVER made bad grades so I don’t get it. Suddenly he’s completely different. He is totally anti-school and doesn’t want to go. He has friends and stuff but he has a really strict teacher and he asked me to transfer him out of her class and I told him no. He’s a bit of a class clown and he really needs the structure this teacher can offer him but his grades are slipping. However his lowest grades are not even in her class. He really does not like her though and I knew he wouldn’t from the beginning. She’s not the type of person that fits his personality but I hoped it would keep him in line. He’s never made low grades before but has gotten in small amounts of trouble here and there for goofing off. Never anything major b/c he’s just a goof off. Way too smart for his own good sometimes and when he gets bored he acts out. That’s not an excuse because honestly i’m harder on my kids than anyone else could ever be. I expect as my mom put it once “way too much out of them” . I don’t really see thats the case. I just KNOW what these kids are capable of. Cole is capable of flying to the moon if he put his mind to it. So I really don’t know whats going on with him. I don’t know if its an age thing, a boy thing, a school thing or what. I’m kinda flying blind here with it. When Taylor goes through her “emo” crap.. I handle it. Even if I don’t handle girls well. I do understand them completely. “Emo” Cole has caught me completely off guard because its totally out of character for him. Every day its a battle with this child and school now.. So I need to go have that parent teacher conference and see what she has to say. I thought we were supposed to do it today but she never confirmed. So I will call and see if we can do it Monday since she never confirmed for today. I HATE parent teacher conferences. I shouldn’t but I do feel like they are “scolding me” for my child not doing well. It always feels like they are looking down on me. I know from talking to friends and family who are teachers that that is not the case but It is how I feel..
Moving on…
Found ONE thing of Hub’s deodorant. On my KITCHEN counter.. Where it doesnt belong. Under a pile of his stuff. Typical though. So totally typical.
AND…
Our 10 year wedding anniversary is Monday.. I honestly can’t believe we’ve made it this far..
Oh….
Hub’s has a job prospect. We should know more today. Please keep your fingers crossed..
**and i’m well aware I was an angry petty bitch in this post.. **
I’m dying over here.
NO! Yes? NO! I’m speaking figuratively.
I’m dying b/c I WANT something I can’t have right now.. Its really really bugging me.
I can’t stress enough just how badly its bugging me. It’s like an itch you can’t scratch.. It wont stop till its scratched.
So…That means I really need to get this so the itch will stop..
I want more ink.. I need more ink. I can’t describe the want to you.
I need it and I’m going to get it. Its just a matter of when.
The fam took the first ink okay. They were not thrilled. (HELLLOOOOO FAMILY!) Not everyone’s reactions were even neutral. Some were almost comical. Well to me anyway. I’m sure they thought they were pulling off the whole “i’m appalled what the hell did you do to yourself” look and tirade. What could they really say about it though. My sister and I got matching tatts in honor of our brother who died 10 years ago at the age of 3. MY family couldnt say anything really negative about it. My grandmother asked quietly if it was permanent and when I said yes she just said okay.
Hubs family.. OH BOY! yeah.. The biggest hypocrites in the United States. Did they REALLY think their opinions would matter?
The biggest hypocrite of them all.. She had the nerve to start yelling at me and ask why on earth i’d mark my body like that. Then when she didnt get the reaction she wanted she changed her tactic.. She started attacking what the tattoo stood for.. What. THE. HELL? She said” why would you put something DEAD on you?” There was no explaining it so I just laughed at her because really. Her intelligence is lacking and age does not always equal wisdom. That or years of boozing and toking up followed by going to repent at church the next day has finally caught up with her. Her brain cells are lacking. SERIOUSLY Lacking! Or.. she’s being punished for being a hypocrite..Either or..
So anyhow. I’m sure part of the fam feels that the whole ink thing is just me rebelling against them. (yeah someone said that) but thats not the case. I wouldn’t mark my body with something I couldn’t remove just to rebel against something/someone. okay maybe I would but that’s not the point. I’m not going to do something unless I really want to do it anyway. That’s just not me.
AND
I REALLY REALLY REALLY want new ink. (Yes i know I sound like a teenager. oh well)..
I’m also waiting to get a new piercing. That should really go over well with the fam. They have this whole idea that moms of 4 just do not do these things! Its rather absurd. What does me having 4 kids have to do with it? How is me being a mom of 4 different than say a mom of 2 doing it? Or even someone with out kids? WHY the standards? JUST because I have kids?
If thats the case. It’s insane. There is no logic there. Stereotypes get you no where. Haven’t we learned this over time? Guess not..
One even said,” what are you teaching your kids? What kind of example are you setting?”
To which I replied,” well I HOPE i’m teaching them acceptance and that not everyone is the same and its okay to be different.”
Sure society has rules. Everything has rules. You have to decide how they apply to you and where you fit in. Thats all there is to it. PERIOD.. end of story.. GOT IT?
Since Ike that is..
What has changed?
Oh god.. Where to start.. Sooooooooooooo much has changed.
I think I touched on that in my post I’m just in awe .
How can you not be in awe? How can you not change? You don’t really have a choice either way you look at it so you might as well make the best out of it.
I’m still not ready to go into details of what happened post Ike with all the relationships in my life. Honestly they aren’t pretty details and they hurt to think about so that wall is built up and its high and I don’t know if I can bring it down enough to even talk about it.Hubs doesn’t understand why I overlook the things that happened and don’t let them control my relationships. I can’t. I can’t go there. I am not capable of processing it any further than I have because I can’t block it out if I do and then it hurts more than just me. I have to be the bigger person. Right? He has no problem refusing to associate with the “problems” and not forgiving them. Even if it would be so much easier on his kids.
But
Even with all the bullshit we’ve been thrown its not been a horrible year. It damn sure wasn’t wasted like the years before it. I’m certain about that. If anything I did alot of growing. Not all in good ways but still. I grew as a person. Even if I didn’t like it at the time. I broke but I wasn’t totally broken. I think I can stand up and hold my head high even if I haven’t been the best person this past year.
What was your last year like? Nothing like a little self reflection..
Now see.. Knowing how you take your coffee is one thing. Sure its a vital part of every day. After all as stated.. The best part of waking up is Folgers in your cup. Coffee is very very important to not only my well being but everyone’s around me. It’s that important.
BUT!
There is always something more important. And see, way down here in the south.. That’d be tea. Sweet tea if you please. (can you hear the southern twang? I’m told I have it)
Tea is a must have in this house and every household I know around me. Its practically a sin to run out or not have tea making. We don’t ask how much sugar or if you take milk in your tea. Seriously folks? MILK? Are you kidding me? GROSS! Milk is for cereal, coffee, baking, and all that other stuff.. It is most certainly NOT for tea! We pour about a gallon of sugar (no not really just a cup) into a pitcher of tea and there my friends you have sweet tea. No milk, no honey.. SUGAR. And of course we want ours on the rocks. Sweet tea needs ice. The only time we take our tea hot down here is when we have a cold (read that to include an extremely sore throat). And then we take it with honey and lemon but thats pretty much the ONLY time we drink hot tea. Otherwise.. It’s a sin. The worst kind of sin.
While some will drink all that flavored and good for you tea. That wouldn’t be me. I have yet to find a green tea I can stomach, and the time I tried chamomile tea to help me sleep I almost spit it out all over the book I was reading. And mint tea? Do I need to go there?
The ONLY flavored tea I like is good old fashioned lemon and raspberry. Both are delightfully tasteful in my book. I realize that this all comes down to preference and I can’t expect anyone else to like my favorites (or even the fact that I find drinking hot tea when not sick to be funny), but you should really give it a try. After all I did infact try all the other (gross) teas. Can’t knock it till you’ve tried it and all that stuff..
I have friends from the north who make fun of me for how I take my tea so I have every right to kinda,almost, slightly laugh at them. They’d find this humorous. I’m sure. They know I mean absolutely NO offense to them what so ever. But seriously.. MILK?
So how do you take your tea? Hot/cold? Lemon or honey? Dare I ask.. Milk??????????? One lump or two?
So.. I’m running on empty these last few days. Hubs is sleeping wonderfully however.. He is what’s got me so sleep deprived. He raises hell until I go to bed with him and then he keeps me up all night long talking in his sleep. I’m ready to shove a pillow over his head. He does this often. VERY VERY often and now that the kids are in school I have to be up by 6am so coffee is a must have and my best friend at the moment.
We go to bed between 10 and 11 and by 1:30 I’m up and wide awake b/c hubs wouldn’t stop running his trap all night. Then he says,” why did you get up?” Um really? seriously?
I’m exhausted and it takes alot to get me there..
So.. Coffee is my best friend and I gotta ask..
Did you know there is a right and wrong way to make coffee? No? Okay maybe not exactly a right and wrong way but there are actually tutorials and tips out there on how to brew coffee correctly. I prefer my coffee already made for me (Hot non fat mocha please..) but seeing as how we don’t have a starbucks or even a coffee shop here I’ll have to stick to brewing my own. Yes seriously, you read that right. We don’t have a starbucks. I know. *gasp* there are places out there with out it and I don’t even live in the jungle or Antarctica!
Tips to perfect coffee: 1. USE FRESH BEANS! The fresher the better. 2. Measuring.. Accurate measuring is key. 3. Use COLD water.
Yep.. Those are the tips to having a great cup of coffee in the morning.. *shrugs* eh?
Tell me.. Does your coffee now taste better?
And b/c my mind is curious as always….
Do you buy your coffee from a place like starbucks or brew your own?
Do you grind your own coffee beans?
What brand of coffee do you prefer?
How do you take your coffee? Favorite flavor?
Do you like iced coffee?
And of course my own answers i’ll post in my comments.. 
This summer has been nothing short of hellish. I think i’ve earned the right to say that.
I think this past year (yes it’s almost been a year. Sept 13th is the day hurricane Ike hit) has been a true test of character for me. We’ve been hit with everything just about that you can imagine and we’ve survived. I can’t say it can’t or wont get worse. Because the future is the future, but I can say that while we haven’t come out unscathed we have made it out alive and stronger for it.
I’ve had my ups and downs. I’ve hated everything and everyone around me at times. I’ve hated the hand we were dealt and I can’t tell you how many times I wanted to give up or run away. The number is many if i’m being honest. But I also knew deep down we were not the only family being dealt this hand. We were not the only family to lose and have to rebuild our lives. No there were many families who lost more than we did.
First the hurricane took out my house(sept), then the struggle with the insurance company(didnt pay up till March), the being with out electricity for many many months, not being able to give our kids the Christmas they deserved on our own, then having to put every single penny we had into a down payment on a new home, not being able to cook dinner or bathe with out relying on my inlaws to let us into their home for such meager tasks that most of society takes for granted.
All of that while trying to maintain some sense of normalcy for the kids and to keep their spirits up because it wasn’t just a test of our characters as adults. No we often forgot it was a test on our children as well. We were not the only ones going through the motions and the stress of the situation. The kids felt just about everything we did. The kids were just as worn out and scared as we were only as adults it was our jobs to take care of them and make sure they were cared for, loved, and all that good stuff parents do to ease the burden on their kiddos.
Being in a bad situation is hard enough. Raising kids and trying to be normal in a difficult situation just adds to it. It was no where near easy. We all butted heads so many times. I hit my breaking point often. Hubs and I fought non stop. At times I could picture hitting him over the head with a hammer. I’m sure he went through the same things I did. It just wasn’t easy dealing with life at that point. But we survived. We made it through the hard times.
Only to be knocked on our asses again..
In April we finally thought our luck had changed. We had a new home, hubs job was doing well when so many others weren’t because of the economy. We finally felt we were lucky and were getting somewhere. April had to have been our turning point. We thought so.. But then May came and hubs was laid off. May 3rd my world crashed again. We hadn’t even made our first house payment yet.
May 3rd started another downward spiral for us. One that would once again take us to the brink of despair (ah… so cliche). Some would think I was being overly dramatic or just being silly but i’m not. When you live off a single income and you’d spent your entire savings and months worth of paychecks saving for a down payment on a new home and you are literally living paycheck to paycheck with out a dime to spare each week. You rely greatly on that paycheck. Losing it.. Well it pushes you closer to the edge of the cliff..
In the last 4 months we’ve robbed peter to pay paul. We’ve skipped this bill to pay that one. We’ve received action notices not only on our brand new home but on our car. We’ve finagled our way out of bad situations with our bills and debt collectors. We’ve been on the verge of losing it all.
We were completely fine before the hurricane hit. We were doing well. We were living our lives and we were comfortable. It took one day to change it all around. One day.. One destructive act of nature. . And when we thought for sure we were getting back on our feet. The economy takes it all away again.
Its funny. The two things that turned our world upside down. Neither were in our control. Neither were something that we could be at fault for. Our undoing was not something we had done to ourselves. Most of the time you look at people in bad situations in their lives and you think that it was something they did. They caused themselves to be there. THEY did that to themselves. But what about when they didnt exactly do it to themselves? Is it still their fault when its not?
Hubs was out of work until yesterday. After 4 months he finally went back to work and we have no promises how long this job will last. We’ve been through hell and back through no fault of our own. It wasn’t a matter of hubs not wanting to work or not looking. It was a matter of massive lay offs. Everyone we knew was laid off in April and May. Truth is hubs was lucky he wasn’t laid off sooner. June brought even more lay offs. There were talks of companies closing down. Work was scarce. The big plants were doing massive lay offs. So it wasn’t just us going through it and it wasn’t just a matter of not looking. There wasnt any work. We weren’t the only ones being dealt a bad hand.. Again..
When hubs was laid off. Everyone we knew had either been laid off right before him or followed immediately after. It’s no wonder that they’ve all been called back to work with in the last week as well. I’m grateful for that. I can’t stand to see my family and friends suffer. It’s hard enough going through it but watching your family and friends suffer with you does not make it any easier. It lets you know you aren’t alone but really its no help. It just makes you feel bad for them.
With hubs being back to work. Things will slowly pick up. It will take us a very long time to recover from this. To get our bills all lined up and everyone happy again. Its going to take alot of work on my part but I feel better now. Things will work out. Slowly but surely.
This last year has truly been a train wreck. One thing after another. One reason to lay down and call it quits after another. I’ve come close. So very close. I didn’t think I had it in me. I really didn’t think i’d survive. I fought with myself every day. My own demons telling me that walking away would be the answer. That giving up would be okay. That everyone around me would be okay if I weren’t around. I didn’t say it made sense..it is just how I felt.
But!
I did it. I survived everything that was thrown at me. My kids survived and hubs.. well for the most part I let him survive. It wasnt with out lots of yelling, screaming, and crying. The constant war with my emotions was hard. It sent me off the deep end many times. It caused me to cycle (bipolar disorder) alot. Way more in the last year than I did in the 10 years before. I had alot of “character faults” in the last year. Some understandable, some not so much. I’m not a great person. Not by far. I didn’t come out of this unscathed but I did make my way out and I do believe that has to say something.
So I am totally in awe of everything and everyone around me right now. I look back on the last year and see everything we have been through and it amazes me. Not so much that I survived b/c I don’t think that I’m anything great or that I’ve done good things or even a good job of making it through this last year. I could have handled it with so much more grace than I did and probably put those who love me through a hell of alot less in the process. But i’m amazed at the strength of those around me.
I’m really amazed at my kids. They’ve been spectacular. They’ve been through hell, had their lives uprooted, gone with out things they want or need and never missed a beat. They’ve made due with what they had. Sure they’ve complained. Any kid would. Plus we’ve all complained. But they’ve been understanding and caring and not hated us too much for living the way we’ve had to live for so long now. They really deserve so much more than we’ve been able to provide them with.
Hubs and I have had our faults. We’ve clashed and wanted to hurt each other so many times. We’ve said mean, hateful things and have made our situations worse by acting like complete idiots instead of pulling together. The funny thing is. While we’ve acted like that. We’ve talked more during these times than we had in the 10 years before. We’ve become much closer than we were before. And while we “hated” each other during these times we also needed each other and pulled strength from the other when and where it was needed. We’ve come so far in the last year (6 months really) than we did our entire relationship. We still have a very long way to go. We still fight like cats and dogs. We are still complete opposites on every level and I still think he needs his head examined and parts of his anatomy removed at times. I still want to hit him over the head with a hammer, but… I understand more now than I ever have before. And i’m sure he feels like doing some of those things to me as well. While dysfunctional… we equal each other out most of the time.. He’s still an ass though..
The past year has shown me what so many people around me are made of. Some good and some bad. Some of those closest to me. That I thought would always have my back and be there. Well those proved to be the opposite. Some that I couldn’t stand and hated with a passion proved to be the only ones there. I have been astounded more than once on this trip. I have had to step up my game and see people for who and what they are rather than what I wanted to think of them. I have had to let my guard down to let some in and build up new walls where others are concerned.
I just know things have changed. This has been one hell of a learning experience and while I can’t say things wont get worse.. I can say I know I can handle this shit. Even if I freak out or flip out. I can handle it. I’ve shown that much. I’m so in awe of my family. For as much as i’ve done wrong. I’ve done something right. If I hadn’t my kids wouldn’t be the stellar kids they are. They wouldn’t have come out of this better for the course.
Now that i’m done with this terribly long rambling post.. Wyatt turns 3 today.. I can’t believe its been 3 years already!
I’ve been at my wits end. I “lost my funny” because of all the stress i’ve been under. It seems as if its always one thing right after another. It hasn’t been all bad. We’ve had our good days. Our lazy lets do nothing as a family days. Even with the ER Visits and the trips to the dr for Wyatt we have managed to have some good days. I think once hubs goes back to work things will get better. That’s got to happen soon right?
Wyatt is fine. His ENT appointment last week got rescheduled to this week. We go tomorrow at 1. His ear has stopped bleeding and his throat appears to be fine. We’ll see what the ENt says tomorrow.
The kids start school monday. We have almost survived another summer. I say almost because there are still a few days left and you just never know what can happen in a few days time.. Not with all these kids anyway.
We didnt do anything special this summer. Money limited us big time and we rarely left the house because we couldn’t afford even the gas to go anywhere. But even so the kids still had a good time. Taylor and Jewel spent a week at a friends house this month. They baked cookies and went to the zoo and to the beach. They had never been to the beach before. I’m not a beach person even though we live an hour from the shore. I’m glad they got to experience it. It’s just not my thing. I hope in the future we can take them all back but I really really hate the beach. They are still talking about it.
The boys didnt feel left out because they got to go to the hunting club with hubs and go swimming at the river and all that fun stuff.
It was really relaxing not having all 4 of them here constantly fighting. By the time the girls went to their friends house they were all at each others throats so badly I thought I was going to lose my mind. The tension was so bad I had a constant headache. The relief of them not fighting was HUGE.
One thing I couldn’t understand totally was Cole wanting his sisters to come home. After day 2 he was constantly asking when they were coming back. He was constantly telling me to call them. I told him that all he’d do when they walked through the door was say something mean to them and they’d start fighting. When they finally came home he didnt even play with them. It happened just like I knew it would. They’d walk through the door and everyone would start fighting. Thats exactly what happened. It didnt last 15 minutes before the fighting started.
But now the summer is almost over. Structure and schedules start next week. I’m not a schedule and strict structure type person but I look forward to the calm after the storm. I need the calm after the storm. I crave it by this point. I look forward to having quiet during the day again and Wyatt having some sort of schedule again. I look forward to less chaos and 8pm bed times for the kids..
I don’t look forward to 6am mornings but eh.. its the price of quiet time i’ll take it.
School time has to be less chaotic than this summer has been. I’ve been so stressed out the last few weeks i keep breaking out in massive fever blisters and there’s not a damn thing I can do to stop it. My face hurts from it.
We were hammered by a storm system yesterday. Beaumont was hit by a twister. I’m sooooooo glad I had procrastinated as usual and didnt make the much needed trip down there as originally planned. I did leave and head to Lumberton to go by the bank. Hubs called me when I was there and said to get my arse home b/c the storms were not finished and we were going to be hammered again. I ignored him b/c well thats me and then my friend called and told me to get my arse home because there was a tornado sighting down the road from where I was headed (which isnt far from where I live either) It seemed that we couldn’t win for losing yesterday. It was just a bad ass system. Typical though in SE Texas. You just never know when you are going to be hit like that. They creep up out of no where.
So thats whats going on in my world..
and the beat goes on…..
and Wyatt wants to grow up and go to school.. He turns 3 Sept 1st and Jewel turns 7 Sept 5th.. Where has the time gone?
